quaking aspen

i can't stand the stupid technicality of "after midnight is the next day." it's dumb. here are my rules of "when it becomes the next day:" at least one of three things must happen:

1. you sleep.
2. you eat breakfast.
3. it gets light outside again.

the reason i'm so tired is that i was up almost the entire night last night reading. not for school of course. no, i couldn't be doing anything productive or anything. in spite of the fact that i have approximately 100 papers to do before i graduate in roughly four weeks. and i'm almost not exaggerating, which is the scary part. besides the whole graduating-in-roughly-four-weeks thing.

did i mention that i'm graduating in roughly four weeks? (if i'm lucky.) yeah. the fact hit me pretty hard last night around midnight while the boi and i were talking about THE FUTURE. a very dangerous topic at midnight. sigh. by the end i was pretty emotionally exhausted, crying and all. he was wonderful really, didn't tell me not to cry, or not to be sad, just let me have that space, which i so desperately need sometimes. four weeks baby. i'm so scared it's paralyzing. the whole so-called "being an adult" thing, the leaving my friends and the place i've lived longer than anywhere else, where i know how things work and how to get places. i hate going away, and we're all going away. soon. in about four weeks. maybe five. ack.

but in other news. walking back from folk dancing i felt shockingly inspired to write here. i think the physical exercise is probably good for my brain. and it's beautiful out today. sun shining wildly, breeze, new leaves on the trees an amazing sharp green. i saw my first butterfly of the year, so big that i when i saw its shadow i thought it was a bird. it was flying near the sundial on new campus, over the huge tulips and solid purple and yellow pansies, and the wilting daffodil stalks. cherry trees blooming, azaleas in brilliant pink and orange, magnolias dark and evergreen. fresh mown grass, and the purple-leaved trees, and the canopy of new leaves that appeared overnight, it seems. i love spring.

so now i think i will take a shower to ease the tired bones, then possible take a small nap before i get lunch and go to class again. because i really want lunch -- i definitely need a dancing sandwich today. those are the overstuffed sandwiches they make at the marketplace -- mmm. with chicken, stuffing, cranberry sauce and mayonnaise. on marble rye. mmm. they're "dancing" because one giddy afternoon i was eating one, and i was just really cheerful, so i danced it around in my hands. i said to my friends "look! my sammich is dancing!" "uhhuh, sure sam, that's nice." then i ate it and said, "now the sandwich is in my tummy, and my tummy is dancing!" i was VERY amused by this, but they all just thought i was weird. ah well. shower time. i must cleanse myself.

Posted by falwyn on Tuesday, April 11, 2000 at 11:00 AM | Permalink